1. If I don't go to the studio, I don't practice.
Remember all that jazz about, "I'll still continue to practice even at home, while I take this break from official classes?" And how I said I would continue a meditation practice at home? Yeah, didn't happen. Even with the best of intentions, I always manage to find something "more important" that calls me away from yoga. This is one of the big reasons I like to practice at a studio. No distractions. You go there for one purpose, you accomplish that purpose, and you go home. Of course the camraderie is just a bonus. Which leads me to:
2. I miss my yoga friends.
Yes, you. I have kept up with a few of my closer yoga family via email, but it's just not the same as that fellowship of going to class twice a week and seeing those friendly familiar faces smiling at me. I miss my fellow students!
3. My body doesn't like me when I don't practice.
As I type this, I have a pain in my wrist that feels like carpal tunnel (in fact, I just moved my mouse back over to the right side of my computer keyboard.) My left wrist is starting to have a near-constant pain in it, from holding the mouse (Mousing? Is that a verb now?) I also have a slight tinge in my low-back, and a tightness in my shoulders. This is a good reminder of why I practice. Not only does it bring me a feeling of peacefulness within my mind (calms the mind-stuff) it also opens the energy channles in my body and acts as a natural pain-reliever.
4. I have a lot more time for those "other projects" at home now.
Although I only go to yoga typically twice a week (sometimes 3, but usually 2) I found that without it I have lots more time to do those creative things around the house that I had been missing. Of course it does not make up for all the other reasons I miss the practice. I'm going back tomorrow and I can't wait!
My creative brain thanks me for taking the break. My body may have even appreciated it, though it's not making that real clear right now. But I do miss my mat. And I can't wait to sweat it out in Ashtanga tomorrow night!
PS, I realized I did not update this blog when I got my CT scan results on Friday. Turns out I do not have Valley Fever. The cough was caused by asthma, which is a result of nasal polyps and a severe sinus infection. I'm on another week of antibiotics, and I have an appointment with an ENT specialist, to find out if the polyps are malignant (they assured me this is just a precaution, most likely they are not cancerous.) After I see the ENT they should be able to tell me what the next steps are with regards to shrinking them. Possibly medication. Maybe surgery. I am hoping for the former.
I plan on seeing an acupuncturist in conjunction with the ENT as well. I'd like to get my immune system up to par, and hopefully stop having to fight things with antibiotics, which makes me generally uncomfortable.
Last, but certainly not least, I will be teaching at my alma matter (can I say that, about a yoga school?) starting in September. I am very much looking forward to having a weekly class and gaining a regular clientele. Classes will be at 6:00 pm or 6:30 (TBD.)
~Namaste!~
A Place to Put Thoughts That Are Longer Than an Instagram Post
Monday, August 22, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Making Space for Creating Health
Due to my ongoing health condition, I have made the very difficult decision to pause my practice and teaching schedule for a while. My bodywork practice will be on hold for a bit as well.
It's become abundantly clear to me over the past several weeks that I have been trying to do too much, and while any person who is trying to get a new business up and running can tell you it is exhausting, trying to do it while working a full-time job to pay the bills, and care for two boys, and on top of that being sick with a now-chronic illness, is just not a good idea at all.
So, I have chosen myself. I have chosen to listen to my internal guidance, as I would tell any of my students to do, and take a clear and defined break. I'm cutting back on my social engagements, cutting out working with clients, for now, and stopping my twice weekly Ashtanga practice and my teaching schedule.
I'll continue to do my restorative classes (as a student) and I will continue to study and practice meditation at home during this sabbatical. My hope is that I will come back refreshed and renewed and ready to teach with gusto again in September.
I'm working really hard to let go of the fear that I will not return to this goal, once I have stopped the momentum. This is the reason I was pushing forward when I should have been pausing. I am choosing to "embrace the fear" and not let it control me. The fear will be there whether I push through or not, so I am choosing rest and contemplation, meditation and restoration, over pushing the limits of what is healthy for my body, and my mind.
Hope to see you all again in September! I'm sure that I will be here blogging from time to time, at least to give updates to my status.
~Namaste, Shanti, Shanti, Shanti, Om~
It's become abundantly clear to me over the past several weeks that I have been trying to do too much, and while any person who is trying to get a new business up and running can tell you it is exhausting, trying to do it while working a full-time job to pay the bills, and care for two boys, and on top of that being sick with a now-chronic illness, is just not a good idea at all.
So, I have chosen myself. I have chosen to listen to my internal guidance, as I would tell any of my students to do, and take a clear and defined break. I'm cutting back on my social engagements, cutting out working with clients, for now, and stopping my twice weekly Ashtanga practice and my teaching schedule.
I'll continue to do my restorative classes (as a student) and I will continue to study and practice meditation at home during this sabbatical. My hope is that I will come back refreshed and renewed and ready to teach with gusto again in September.
I'm working really hard to let go of the fear that I will not return to this goal, once I have stopped the momentum. This is the reason I was pushing forward when I should have been pausing. I am choosing to "embrace the fear" and not let it control me. The fear will be there whether I push through or not, so I am choosing rest and contemplation, meditation and restoration, over pushing the limits of what is healthy for my body, and my mind.
Hope to see you all again in September! I'm sure that I will be here blogging from time to time, at least to give updates to my status.
~Namaste, Shanti, Shanti, Shanti, Om~
Friday, August 5, 2011
Learning to Embody Compassion
I've been dealing with an illness for about two months now. The running theme in my head for these two months has been "You know, this could be much worse. Suck it up, keep going. You'll get better eventually."
I went to see my doctor after only a week and a half of coughing, because I knew that something wasn't right. I've had bronchitis before (as a former smoker, I used to get bronchitis about once a year actually) so I am familiar with the symptoms. I knew right away that this was no typical cough.
The doctor agreed, and she immediately put me on a course of antibiotics, as well as an asthma inhaler. After the ten day course, I was feeling slightly better. I figured the antibiotic had worked, and my body was just dealing with lingering mucous that would clear on its own. Another week later, I was still coughing just as much as before the medical treatment and now my sinuses were bothering me too, so back to the doctor I went.
This time I left her office with orders to get a different antibiotic prescription filled, and a shiny new inhaler to use twice a day in addition to the original inhaler (there are two different types of asthma treatments-- the fast-acting "rescue inhaler" and the slower-acting and longer-lasting type.) She still wasn't convinced I had asthma, so this time she ordered an x-ray of my lungs and a blood test for valley fever.
I've lived in Arizona my whole life, but apparently the fungal spores that cause valley fever can be inhaled at any time; living here a long time does not necessarily preclude you from coming down with it. My own doctor had it after 16 years of living here.
The initial test came back positive, but with the caveat that there are a lot of false positive results, and a clear chest x-ray, she could not be entirely sure I had it. I had to wait a week and go for the blood test again, to see if I had developed any new antibodies for the infection.
Today I went for the results of that test, convinced that I would be getting a positive result, and then with that diagnosis we would be able to decide whether the best course of action would be to put me on the antifungal treatment that is commonly used for Valley Fever. When I got the result, it was not entirely what I expected, another inconclusive test result, and an order to go get CT scans done on my nasal passages and my chest.
Because of the severity and length of the sinus infection, she also prescribed yet another course of antibiotics; this will now be my third round, trying to treat this thing.
I have orders to go see a pulmonologist if the CT scans come back with anything unusual. Hearing this was perhaps the final thing that caused me to lose it. I left the office quietly, prescriptions in hand, and got in my car and cried, head against the steering wheel, despite the hotness of it, the car having been sitting in the sun for the better part of an hour.
I can no longer say that I am feeling strong about this. I am tired of being sick. I can tell myself that my illness is not likely to be terminal, and therefore my diagnosis is not as bad as someone with terminal cancer. But that unfortunately does not change how I feel today, which is defeated, fatigued and tired.
I am tired of the doctor visits, I am tired of the diarrhea from the havoc the antibiotics cause in my digestive tract. I am tired of coughing. I am tired of fatigued chest muscles, I am tired of not being able to get a full breath. I am tired of feeling tired all of the time.
And through all of this experience of illness, I have been reading a book called The Places that Scare You, by Pema Chodron. The book teaches about a series of Buddhist techniques called bodhichitta. The book teaches that there are two types of bodhichitta. One is a type called unconditional bodhichitta. This is the experience of being free from concept, opinion, and our "usual all-caught-uppedness." The second is relative bodhichitta, which is our ability to keep open hearts and minds during times of suffering, and a heart that is open to experiencing the suffering of others, without shutting down or pushing away those bad emotions. One of the Buddhist teachings is that suffering is one of the three marks of existence (along with that nothing is static or fixed, all is fleeting and impermanent; and egolessness.) According to Suzuki Roshi, "It is only by practicing through a continual succession of agreeable and disagreeable situations that we acquire true strength. To accept that pain is inherent and to live our lives from this understanding is to create the causes and conditions for happiness."
I think that by denying my unhappiness at my current situation, by continuing to tell myself "it's going to be okay" and "keep your chin up" and "other people have it worse than you, so stop your feeling sorry for yourself" I was not allowing myself to experience the frustration and the anger and upsetness that I feel over this illness. It is only through allowing myself to cry when I feel like crying, without letting myself get caught up in the story of the emotion, or getting carried away by it, but in truly experiencing the feelings as they rise up, can I move through them.
What is amazing to me is that I need to learn this lesson over and over again in this lifetime, and probably through many lifetimes. I know that learning to practice equanimity (acceptance of what is without being carried away into feeling mad or sad about the experience) is a lifelong lesson.
"If we can contact the vulnerability and rawness of resentment or rage or whatever it is, a bigger perspective can emerge. In the moment we choose to abide with the energy instead of acting it out or repressing it, we are training in equanimity, in thinking bigger than right and wrong. This is how the four limitless qualities evolve from limited to limitless: we practice catching our mind hardening into fixed views and do our best to soften. Through softening, the barriers come down."
So today I will choose to practice softening to those emotions that are causing me to harden my heart, I will practice compassion towards myself, and in turn, to others who are also suffering. I will not compare my level of suffering to others' but I will remind myself to extend compassion and an openness towards others who are also suffering.
May I be free, free from suffering, and the causes of suffering.
May you be free, free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
May all beings be free, free from suffering and the causes of suffering. --Buddhist prayer
I went to see my doctor after only a week and a half of coughing, because I knew that something wasn't right. I've had bronchitis before (as a former smoker, I used to get bronchitis about once a year actually) so I am familiar with the symptoms. I knew right away that this was no typical cough.
The doctor agreed, and she immediately put me on a course of antibiotics, as well as an asthma inhaler. After the ten day course, I was feeling slightly better. I figured the antibiotic had worked, and my body was just dealing with lingering mucous that would clear on its own. Another week later, I was still coughing just as much as before the medical treatment and now my sinuses were bothering me too, so back to the doctor I went.
This time I left her office with orders to get a different antibiotic prescription filled, and a shiny new inhaler to use twice a day in addition to the original inhaler (there are two different types of asthma treatments-- the fast-acting "rescue inhaler" and the slower-acting and longer-lasting type.) She still wasn't convinced I had asthma, so this time she ordered an x-ray of my lungs and a blood test for valley fever.
I've lived in Arizona my whole life, but apparently the fungal spores that cause valley fever can be inhaled at any time; living here a long time does not necessarily preclude you from coming down with it. My own doctor had it after 16 years of living here.
The initial test came back positive, but with the caveat that there are a lot of false positive results, and a clear chest x-ray, she could not be entirely sure I had it. I had to wait a week and go for the blood test again, to see if I had developed any new antibodies for the infection.
Today I went for the results of that test, convinced that I would be getting a positive result, and then with that diagnosis we would be able to decide whether the best course of action would be to put me on the antifungal treatment that is commonly used for Valley Fever. When I got the result, it was not entirely what I expected, another inconclusive test result, and an order to go get CT scans done on my nasal passages and my chest.
Because of the severity and length of the sinus infection, she also prescribed yet another course of antibiotics; this will now be my third round, trying to treat this thing.
I have orders to go see a pulmonologist if the CT scans come back with anything unusual. Hearing this was perhaps the final thing that caused me to lose it. I left the office quietly, prescriptions in hand, and got in my car and cried, head against the steering wheel, despite the hotness of it, the car having been sitting in the sun for the better part of an hour.
I can no longer say that I am feeling strong about this. I am tired of being sick. I can tell myself that my illness is not likely to be terminal, and therefore my diagnosis is not as bad as someone with terminal cancer. But that unfortunately does not change how I feel today, which is defeated, fatigued and tired.
I am tired of the doctor visits, I am tired of the diarrhea from the havoc the antibiotics cause in my digestive tract. I am tired of coughing. I am tired of fatigued chest muscles, I am tired of not being able to get a full breath. I am tired of feeling tired all of the time.
And through all of this experience of illness, I have been reading a book called The Places that Scare You, by Pema Chodron. The book teaches about a series of Buddhist techniques called bodhichitta. The book teaches that there are two types of bodhichitta. One is a type called unconditional bodhichitta. This is the experience of being free from concept, opinion, and our "usual all-caught-uppedness." The second is relative bodhichitta, which is our ability to keep open hearts and minds during times of suffering, and a heart that is open to experiencing the suffering of others, without shutting down or pushing away those bad emotions. One of the Buddhist teachings is that suffering is one of the three marks of existence (along with that nothing is static or fixed, all is fleeting and impermanent; and egolessness.) According to Suzuki Roshi, "It is only by practicing through a continual succession of agreeable and disagreeable situations that we acquire true strength. To accept that pain is inherent and to live our lives from this understanding is to create the causes and conditions for happiness."
I think that by denying my unhappiness at my current situation, by continuing to tell myself "it's going to be okay" and "keep your chin up" and "other people have it worse than you, so stop your feeling sorry for yourself" I was not allowing myself to experience the frustration and the anger and upsetness that I feel over this illness. It is only through allowing myself to cry when I feel like crying, without letting myself get caught up in the story of the emotion, or getting carried away by it, but in truly experiencing the feelings as they rise up, can I move through them.
What is amazing to me is that I need to learn this lesson over and over again in this lifetime, and probably through many lifetimes. I know that learning to practice equanimity (acceptance of what is without being carried away into feeling mad or sad about the experience) is a lifelong lesson.
"If we can contact the vulnerability and rawness of resentment or rage or whatever it is, a bigger perspective can emerge. In the moment we choose to abide with the energy instead of acting it out or repressing it, we are training in equanimity, in thinking bigger than right and wrong. This is how the four limitless qualities evolve from limited to limitless: we practice catching our mind hardening into fixed views and do our best to soften. Through softening, the barriers come down."
So today I will choose to practice softening to those emotions that are causing me to harden my heart, I will practice compassion towards myself, and in turn, to others who are also suffering. I will not compare my level of suffering to others' but I will remind myself to extend compassion and an openness towards others who are also suffering.
May I be free, free from suffering, and the causes of suffering.
May you be free, free from suffering and the causes of suffering.
May all beings be free, free from suffering and the causes of suffering. --Buddhist prayer
Tuesday, August 2, 2011
Testimonial to my teacher
"The more you learn to trust yourself, the more easily you can tap into your gifts." I quote this directly from Carrie's blog, Free to be Me, a Guide to Remembering your Life's Dharma. Full disclosure: Carrie has become a dear friend to me during the process of becoming one of my greatest teachers. She possesses the tremendous quality of being able to "show me the nature of my mind, and reveal my hidden faults" [quote by Pema Chodron] as well as my unique gifts. Through a variety of techniques, not least of which is a soulful ability to listen and reflect myself back to me without judgement, Carrie has helped me to grow into a teacher who is now ready to expand outward and bring my own practice of teaching yoga to my students. I entered her teacher training knowing that I wanted to teach yoga, but still full of trepidation- would I be good enough? Would anyone want to hear what I had to say? Carrie used her own experiences as examples and in doing so she has helped me tap into my unique voice.
Through such practices as going within (in meditation and chanting) and encouraging the vocalization and sharing of our own soul stories in small classes, she teaches us that we are all good enough just as we are. She has helped me to trust my own intuition- my True Nature- that which is at its essence simple goodness, wisdom, and loving kindness. Most importantly, through Carrie's quiet humor, I learned to laugh at myself when the going was hard, rather than to emotionally beat myself up, when facing some of those tough challenges that we all face in this life.
I count myself very lucky to have found Carrie, and to be her student and her friend. Few people I know are as compassionate, kind, and as selfless as she has proven herself to be.
Through such practices as going within (in meditation and chanting) and encouraging the vocalization and sharing of our own soul stories in small classes, she teaches us that we are all good enough just as we are. She has helped me to trust my own intuition- my True Nature- that which is at its essence simple goodness, wisdom, and loving kindness. Most importantly, through Carrie's quiet humor, I learned to laugh at myself when the going was hard, rather than to emotionally beat myself up, when facing some of those tough challenges that we all face in this life.
I count myself very lucky to have found Carrie, and to be her student and her friend. Few people I know are as compassionate, kind, and as selfless as she has proven herself to be.
Monday, July 25, 2011
Expansion, Love, Joy (Finding peace at Firefly)
*Sculpture by: Paige Bradley http://paigebradley.com/sculpture/expansion.html
This beautiful piece of artwork captures how I feel after spending the weekend at Firefly. Filled up, with love, with peace, with bright energy and light, to the point where it is overflowing from my being. Someone commented on it at work today, said that I looked radiant. It's because I feel radiant.
I am so grateful to have had the opportunity to interact with so many beautiful souls out in the forest, it really was a gathering full of lightness and radiant heart-energy and peace and so much joy!
My kids joined me at this event, and you could see in their eyes how much fun they were having! (Okay, well, not so much the teenager, but the youngest was definitely in his element out there!)
These photos do not do justice to how much joy was in my younger son's face when he was dancing, spinning poi, or just running around with the other little "Fireflies." One thing he said to me during the weekend was, "This is much better than school, because you don't have to go to anything you don't want to!" He was referring, I think, to the sense of freedom he had out there. There were planned activities for the kids, but he was free to attend, or not attend them. Mostly I let him have free reign over what he chose to do, and he ran with that freedom. He would check in with me when he was hungry or needed a hug or some downtime. But I don't think that my kids have ever really had an opportunity to be outdoors in a situation where, among many other people, most of whom were strangers, they could just do as they pleased.
I think a big part of the key to what he said, applies to us grown-ups that were at the event as well. How often do we get an entire weekend where we can do literally WHATEVER we choose? Maybe for those who aren't parents this is not the case, but I know that many of my weekends are filled with things like chores, and laundry, and taking the kids to various birthday parties or other activities. These are things I do out of love, but not necessarily what I would choose if I had total freedom to do what I wanted (read, no responsibilities to anyone but myself & my community.)
Although I was with my children at this event, I felt that lack of pressure to complete certain tasks during the weekend freed us up to have more connection. With each other as well as with others around us. I had so many wonderful conversations, so many opportunites for good hugs and also to step away from it all and spend some time with myself.
I spent some time meditating on this prayer card I chose, while looking out over this view. In the background there, you can see the dome where we practiced yoga later on that morning. My heartfelt thanks goes out to those dedicated individuals who made this weekend happen, and all the work of the wonderful chefs who graciously donated their time so we could be fed delicious food all weekend! So much gratitude to those lovely souls who touched my heart in various ways, sharing their music, their art, and their Selves. Everyone shone so brightly out there!
And that is the point. To allow ourselves to shine, and to bring that back into the "default world" in which we all live, and continue to share that heart energy, and that intention of love with all those with whom we interact on a daily basis.
I am humbled, I am joyful, I am ever-grateful.
Namaste, Shanti, peace, peace, peace.
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
Firefly!
I'm gearing up for Firefly in Flagstaff this weekend. Really looking forward to the cool pines, the blue skies, and sharing community with beautiful people.
This is the start of the monsoon season, but hopefully we won't get much rain, or if we do it won't be during my yoga class! Of course if it is, then we'll just do Rain Yoga, or if it's a cold rain, we'll move under a tent and do pranayama technique or something else, like Laughing Yoga, which we talked about in my Ashtanga practice the other night.
I'm also excited to be offering my bodywork up there, for whoever might want to try a Shiatsu session. I'll be giving full sessions (1-hour) and also mini 20-minute ones, for anybody who might be a little apprehansive but wants to check it out.
The rest of the time, I will be enjoying the music (over 24 musicians/DJs are scheduled over the weekend) other performances, and art, as well as all the wonderful healers that will be there. And of course, hanging out with my kids, and my mom, and just generally having a good time.
Hope to see you there!
This is the start of the monsoon season, but hopefully we won't get much rain, or if we do it won't be during my yoga class! Of course if it is, then we'll just do Rain Yoga, or if it's a cold rain, we'll move under a tent and do pranayama technique or something else, like Laughing Yoga, which we talked about in my Ashtanga practice the other night.
I'm also excited to be offering my bodywork up there, for whoever might want to try a Shiatsu session. I'll be giving full sessions (1-hour) and also mini 20-minute ones, for anybody who might be a little apprehansive but wants to check it out.
The rest of the time, I will be enjoying the music (over 24 musicians/DJs are scheduled over the weekend) other performances, and art, as well as all the wonderful healers that will be there. And of course, hanging out with my kids, and my mom, and just generally having a good time.
Hope to see you there!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Community Events-- Update
Thanks to all those who came out in support of Community Yoga at Your Sacred Space. It was a great turnout and I was happy to be able to offer this option for particpation in yoga classes to those who may not otherwise have an opportunity to practice.
We are going to be doing things a bit differently for the next class, which is currently scheduled for Sunday August 6, 2011, at 11:00 a.m. The fees will be based on a sliding scale. This means that those of finanial means will be charged $12 to participate (comparable/competetive rate to other yoga studios in town.) The sliding scale will be $8.00 for those who need a little assistance, and $5.00 for those needing a lot of assistance. If you still would like to participate and the lowest-cost option presents a hardship for you, then please speak to me personally and we will work something out.
You can see me after class or email me at: omy (dot) keyes (at) gmail.com.
****************************
The next upcoming event that I will be providing yoga classes and massage for is called FIREFLY. Taking place July 22-24th, this is a collective gathering of art, music and bodywork in the Flagstaff, Arizona area. Participation is for the whole weekend, starting Friday evening and ending Sunday afternoon. Though you may come and go as you please, they ask there be minimal entries/exits. Bring all you need to camp for the weekend, including water.There will be camping areas provided. No campfires are allowed, but there will be a main fire pit and several DJ stages, as well as bodywork tents, workshops provided Saturday and Sunday, and vending of organic, CSA-provided foods. The organizers suggest that you bring your own plates, cups and silverware (to cut down on waste generated by the event, they will NOT be providing disposable paper products with food sales.) For more information, visit the link above and read about the event. This will be lots of fun, and I hope that you will participate. Early ticket sales were $25 per person, I believe that now that cost has gone up to $30, which is still a great price for this event!
*****************************
I am working with some of my fellow yoga teachers to try to get community yoga staffed so that it can be a weekly event. At this time I am not prepared to teach every Sunday, as I had already committed myself to a number of events throughout the remainder of the summer, but starting in September, I will likely be offering this every week.
Also look for a Wednesday evening Level 2 flow class, beginning sometime in August, at Your Sacred Space.
Last, but most certainly not least, I am currently offering an introductory rate of $50.00 for 1-hour Shiatsu sessions (a savings of $15.00 off the regular price for a treatment.) This can be scheduled at either Inside the Bungalow in Mesa, or at Your Sacred Space in Phoenix. Contact me for details, I look forward to serving you! (Comment on this post, "like" us on Facebook, link us on your blog or Twitter, or "+1" this blog on Google+ for the special rate.)
Thanks for all your support! Namaste.
We are going to be doing things a bit differently for the next class, which is currently scheduled for Sunday August 6, 2011, at 11:00 a.m. The fees will be based on a sliding scale. This means that those of finanial means will be charged $12 to participate (comparable/competetive rate to other yoga studios in town.) The sliding scale will be $8.00 for those who need a little assistance, and $5.00 for those needing a lot of assistance. If you still would like to participate and the lowest-cost option presents a hardship for you, then please speak to me personally and we will work something out.
You can see me after class or email me at: omy (dot) keyes (at) gmail.com.
****************************
The next upcoming event that I will be providing yoga classes and massage for is called FIREFLY. Taking place July 22-24th, this is a collective gathering of art, music and bodywork in the Flagstaff, Arizona area. Participation is for the whole weekend, starting Friday evening and ending Sunday afternoon. Though you may come and go as you please, they ask there be minimal entries/exits. Bring all you need to camp for the weekend, including water.There will be camping areas provided. No campfires are allowed, but there will be a main fire pit and several DJ stages, as well as bodywork tents, workshops provided Saturday and Sunday, and vending of organic, CSA-provided foods. The organizers suggest that you bring your own plates, cups and silverware (to cut down on waste generated by the event, they will NOT be providing disposable paper products with food sales.) For more information, visit the link above and read about the event. This will be lots of fun, and I hope that you will participate. Early ticket sales were $25 per person, I believe that now that cost has gone up to $30, which is still a great price for this event!
*****************************
I am working with some of my fellow yoga teachers to try to get community yoga staffed so that it can be a weekly event. At this time I am not prepared to teach every Sunday, as I had already committed myself to a number of events throughout the remainder of the summer, but starting in September, I will likely be offering this every week.
Also look for a Wednesday evening Level 2 flow class, beginning sometime in August, at Your Sacred Space.
Last, but most certainly not least, I am currently offering an introductory rate of $50.00 for 1-hour Shiatsu sessions (a savings of $15.00 off the regular price for a treatment.) This can be scheduled at either Inside the Bungalow in Mesa, or at Your Sacred Space in Phoenix. Contact me for details, I look forward to serving you! (Comment on this post, "like" us on Facebook, link us on your blog or Twitter, or "+1" this blog on Google+ for the special rate.)
Thanks for all your support! Namaste.
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Zen of Mothering
My sister is blogging on the Mothering Magazine website as a guest/resident blogger now. I am so proud of her, for putting herself out there as a mother, for writing her beautiful words, and for sharing intimate parts of herself so that others may read it and know that they are not alone in their feelings about parenting, which, for those of us who are parents know, is Hard Stuff.
One of the things she posted today made me tear up, for she reminded me of what it was like for me when my kids were smaller than they are now, and how hard it was for me at times to feel I had a community of like-minded individuals to draw support or advice from, or just to have a shoulder to cry on.
We all need community. For me, finding Zen in my yoga practice has not only been an adeventure of finding a better understanding of Self (capital "S" self, or Higher Self, as well as little "s" self, or ego) but also a great opportunity to find my Tribe, a group of like-minded people who I am lucky enough to gather with weekly and share our stories about life, the hard times as well as the good ones.
Throughout my teacher training my fellow students and I supported each other as a community as we (individually) dealt with the loss of a pregnancy, the grieving for a spouse who had passed away, the loss of a job, recovery from cancer, and the stresses of marriage and grown children setting out on their own, as well as myriad other life events. We also celebrated together, as we experienced an engagement, the launching of a new business, and multiple other moments of celebration, large and small.
One thing that we learn from yoga philosophy is that we are never alone because each of us is divinely connected. And in those dark moments, when we feel our most alone human-ness, we learn to remember that "alone" does not have to be scary, because we are always supported and cradled by Source, or our Divine nature.
We learn that other people around us also reflect our true natures back to us, in a philosophy we call "mirroring." We are taught that we cannot hate a quality in another person that we do not possess ourselves; likewise we cannot LOVE a quality in another person which we do not ourselves possess.
My sister wrote today in her blog:
"They are good kids but often they reflect back at me the impatient, loud, angry person that I must be like a lot of the time. We are pretty good at working up a vicious cycle where they don’t listen, I get frustrated and start yelling, and someone ends up crying. (It could be me).
So do I feel like a failure as a mom? Sometimes. Not usually.
Sure, there are things that I wished I did better and I am working on becoming a more patient parent (“We’re not doing that now” spoken in a sing-song voice is sort of a joke between me and my sister, who’s son was in Waldorf preschool. A joke because I wish I could be as patient as a Waldorf teacher and that my kids would listen the first time to such a quiet simple instruction).
Someday I’ll figure it out. Probably not in this lifetime.
One of the things she posted today made me tear up, for she reminded me of what it was like for me when my kids were smaller than they are now, and how hard it was for me at times to feel I had a community of like-minded individuals to draw support or advice from, or just to have a shoulder to cry on.
We all need community. For me, finding Zen in my yoga practice has not only been an adeventure of finding a better understanding of Self (capital "S" self, or Higher Self, as well as little "s" self, or ego) but also a great opportunity to find my Tribe, a group of like-minded people who I am lucky enough to gather with weekly and share our stories about life, the hard times as well as the good ones.
Throughout my teacher training my fellow students and I supported each other as a community as we (individually) dealt with the loss of a pregnancy, the grieving for a spouse who had passed away, the loss of a job, recovery from cancer, and the stresses of marriage and grown children setting out on their own, as well as myriad other life events. We also celebrated together, as we experienced an engagement, the launching of a new business, and multiple other moments of celebration, large and small.
One thing that we learn from yoga philosophy is that we are never alone because each of us is divinely connected. And in those dark moments, when we feel our most alone human-ness, we learn to remember that "alone" does not have to be scary, because we are always supported and cradled by Source, or our Divine nature.
We learn that other people around us also reflect our true natures back to us, in a philosophy we call "mirroring." We are taught that we cannot hate a quality in another person that we do not possess ourselves; likewise we cannot LOVE a quality in another person which we do not ourselves possess.
My sister wrote today in her blog:
"They are good kids but often they reflect back at me the impatient, loud, angry person that I must be like a lot of the time. We are pretty good at working up a vicious cycle where they don’t listen, I get frustrated and start yelling, and someone ends up crying. (It could be me).
So do I feel like a failure as a mom? Sometimes. Not usually.
Sure, there are things that I wished I did better and I am working on becoming a more patient parent (“We’re not doing that now” spoken in a sing-song voice is sort of a joke between me and my sister, who’s son was in Waldorf preschool. A joke because I wish I could be as patient as a Waldorf teacher and that my kids would listen the first time to such a quiet simple instruction).
Someday I’ll figure it out. Probably not in this lifetime.
I am growing in leaps and bounds along with these two boys of mine. I find inspiration where I can. Try to remember that I am doing the best I can with what I’ve got."
I think that one of the greatest (and perhaps hardest to accept) gifts of parenting, is that it gives us an opportunity to be reflected, or mirrored, in a very real way. We often see our own behavior mirrored as mothers/fathers, by our children as they grow older, and sometimes we don't like what we see. The gift in this is that it allows us an opportunity to look at ourselves more closely and see how we might change our behavior to better reflect the person we would like to be, and hopefully in that change we can inspire some of those changes in our children as well.
The gift of yoga-- as well as mothering-- for me, has been the opportunity for growth. Even in my darkest and scariest times as a mother, those times where I may have wished that I had not chosen this path (because it was too challenging & scary, because the toddler was pushing my buttons, or I simply did not think I was up for the challenge of rearing brand new human beings) some part of me was aware that in those dark & scary times there were always new opportunities for me to learn more about myself, and to choose expansion and growth over stagnation and fear.
In our practice of yoga we practice accepting and growing with challenges, to not fear them or push them away. This practice we call Santosa. In the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, Santosa is defined as: "having a sense of modesty and the feeling of being content with what we have.To be at peace within comes from fostering contentment with one's life, even while experiencing its challenges. When we accept that life is a process for growth all of the circumstances and experiences we create for ourselves become valid teachers and vehicles for expressing our highest nature. Accepting that there is a purpose for everything - yoga calls it karma – we can cultivate contentment and compassion, for ourselves and for others. Santosa means being happy with what we have rather than being unhappy about what we don't have. " (Thanks to Expressions of Spirit for the quote.)
One of my teachers always likes to say "You can do Hard Stuff." She learned this phrase from her mother, appropriately enough. And it applies to yoga asana practice as well as to facing life's challenges. I remind myself of this phrase daily, whenever I run into challenges (large and small) which make me want to run the other way and hide.
My sister also writes about the idea of "perfect mom syndrome," which she admits she still suffers from sometimes even though she reminds herself that she is "supposed to be" okay with being a "good-enough mom." Do we not all struggle with the idea that we are "supposed to be" perfect in all that we do? I recently ordered the book The Gifts of Imperfection, by Brene Brown. I can't wait to read it! The subtitle of the book is Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.
I think we could all use a little bit of that advice.
I think that one of the greatest (and perhaps hardest to accept) gifts of parenting, is that it gives us an opportunity to be reflected, or mirrored, in a very real way. We often see our own behavior mirrored as mothers/fathers, by our children as they grow older, and sometimes we don't like what we see. The gift in this is that it allows us an opportunity to look at ourselves more closely and see how we might change our behavior to better reflect the person we would like to be, and hopefully in that change we can inspire some of those changes in our children as well.
The gift of yoga-- as well as mothering-- for me, has been the opportunity for growth. Even in my darkest and scariest times as a mother, those times where I may have wished that I had not chosen this path (because it was too challenging & scary, because the toddler was pushing my buttons, or I simply did not think I was up for the challenge of rearing brand new human beings) some part of me was aware that in those dark & scary times there were always new opportunities for me to learn more about myself, and to choose expansion and growth over stagnation and fear.
In our practice of yoga we practice accepting and growing with challenges, to not fear them or push them away. This practice we call Santosa. In the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali, Santosa is defined as: "having a sense of modesty and the feeling of being content with what we have.To be at peace within comes from fostering contentment with one's life, even while experiencing its challenges. When we accept that life is a process for growth all of the circumstances and experiences we create for ourselves become valid teachers and vehicles for expressing our highest nature. Accepting that there is a purpose for everything - yoga calls it karma – we can cultivate contentment and compassion, for ourselves and for others. Santosa means being happy with what we have rather than being unhappy about what we don't have. " (Thanks to Expressions of Spirit for the quote.)
One of my teachers always likes to say "You can do Hard Stuff." She learned this phrase from her mother, appropriately enough. And it applies to yoga asana practice as well as to facing life's challenges. I remind myself of this phrase daily, whenever I run into challenges (large and small) which make me want to run the other way and hide.
My sister also writes about the idea of "perfect mom syndrome," which she admits she still suffers from sometimes even though she reminds herself that she is "supposed to be" okay with being a "good-enough mom." Do we not all struggle with the idea that we are "supposed to be" perfect in all that we do? I recently ordered the book The Gifts of Imperfection, by Brene Brown. I can't wait to read it! The subtitle of the book is Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are.
I think we could all use a little bit of that advice.
Thursday, July 7, 2011
I am kind to myself and others, I am enough.
It's been interesting to watch myself as I journey from a recent teacher-trainee graduate, to a full-fledged yoga instructor. Right after completion of my training, I was so eager to start teaching right away. Full of new energy and excitement for the task, I could not wait to schedule a full roster of classes at the studios I had been practicing in for the past several years.
However, life soon got in the way, and I found myself frustrated that it was not happening more quickly. I felt like I was stagnating; what was holding me back? Was it my own inability to follow through with anything (feelings of inadequacy) or was it that there weren't enough students to go around (scarcity complex) or was it simply that no one wanted to hire me as a teacher (inadequacy again)?
In reality it was none of those things, but it's easy to get caught up in all of those whirlings of "I'm not good enough" when you are waiting for the phone to ring, or waiting to have enough money to finally become registered with Yoga Alliance or waiting to be able to become insured (there's that pesky lack of money again.) I have long struggled with an ability to live on a budget, and now I am working hard to make sure that I budget those things that are important to me, so that I can pay for the things that I want, and need, to achieve my personal goals.
In my personal practice, I have learned that asana "calms the whirlings of the mind" which can lead us into these negative thought patterns. Yoga chitta vritti nirodha is the 1st sutra from Patanjali, which roughly translates to the above quote. I learned this translation, my favorite that I have heard thus far, from a guest teacher who came to our last week of training to teach us proper pronounciation of Sanskrit words. On her shirt was printed the sutra written in Sanskrit text, and someone raised their hand during question time and asked her what her shirt said. I quickly jotted down the translation in my notes, as it resonated so deeply in my soul. Yoga does calm the whirlings of my mind.
And so, today, as I am simultaneously nervous and excited and stressed about teaching my first "official" class, I remind myself to calm the whirlings, and listen to my inner wisdom, that which affirms for me that I am good enough, and they will indeed like me, and I won't forget what to say, or the names of the asanas, and if I should, then I can laugh it off. No one expects their yoga teachers to be super-human. I have to remind myself this as I journey into this new part of my life. I will never reach perfection, as my beloved counselor used to remind me to tell myself, but I am perfect just as I am.
I am enough.
As I write those words, I cannot help but link to the blog of the "I am enough collaborative." This a project that was started by a woman named Tracy Clark, and a number of her writerly/artist friends. Each of the women has blogged in this project about the words they feel they most need to hear. It's powerful stuff. The particular essay I linked to is one that I related so stongly to that I wanted to quote the entire thing here. But since I cannot, I will quote her last paragraph, which includes an excerpt of a beautiful poem from Mary Oliver.
She says, "Yes, I may be rambling and I may be tired, but writing enlivens me and helps me feel more coherent. I hope my sharing from an unstuck place will still encourage you to ramble too, without apology. The last few stanzas especially of the Mary Oliver poem, 'Starlings in Winter,' say it well:
![]()
However, life soon got in the way, and I found myself frustrated that it was not happening more quickly. I felt like I was stagnating; what was holding me back? Was it my own inability to follow through with anything (feelings of inadequacy) or was it that there weren't enough students to go around (scarcity complex) or was it simply that no one wanted to hire me as a teacher (inadequacy again)?
In reality it was none of those things, but it's easy to get caught up in all of those whirlings of "I'm not good enough" when you are waiting for the phone to ring, or waiting to have enough money to finally become registered with Yoga Alliance or waiting to be able to become insured (there's that pesky lack of money again.) I have long struggled with an ability to live on a budget, and now I am working hard to make sure that I budget those things that are important to me, so that I can pay for the things that I want, and need, to achieve my personal goals.
In my personal practice, I have learned that asana "calms the whirlings of the mind" which can lead us into these negative thought patterns. Yoga chitta vritti nirodha is the 1st sutra from Patanjali, which roughly translates to the above quote. I learned this translation, my favorite that I have heard thus far, from a guest teacher who came to our last week of training to teach us proper pronounciation of Sanskrit words. On her shirt was printed the sutra written in Sanskrit text, and someone raised their hand during question time and asked her what her shirt said. I quickly jotted down the translation in my notes, as it resonated so deeply in my soul. Yoga does calm the whirlings of my mind.
And so, today, as I am simultaneously nervous and excited and stressed about teaching my first "official" class, I remind myself to calm the whirlings, and listen to my inner wisdom, that which affirms for me that I am good enough, and they will indeed like me, and I won't forget what to say, or the names of the asanas, and if I should, then I can laugh it off. No one expects their yoga teachers to be super-human. I have to remind myself this as I journey into this new part of my life. I will never reach perfection, as my beloved counselor used to remind me to tell myself, but I am perfect just as I am.
I am enough.
As I write those words, I cannot help but link to the blog of the "I am enough collaborative." This a project that was started by a woman named Tracy Clark, and a number of her writerly/artist friends. Each of the women has blogged in this project about the words they feel they most need to hear. It's powerful stuff. The particular essay I linked to is one that I related so stongly to that I wanted to quote the entire thing here. But since I cannot, I will quote her last paragraph, which includes an excerpt of a beautiful poem from Mary Oliver.
She says, "Yes, I may be rambling and I may be tired, but writing enlivens me and helps me feel more coherent. I hope my sharing from an unstuck place will still encourage you to ramble too, without apology. The last few stanzas especially of the Mary Oliver poem, 'Starlings in Winter,' say it well:
I am thinking now
of greif, and getting past it;
I feel my boots
trying to leave the ground,
I feel my heart
pumping hard, I want
to think again of dangerous and noble things.
I want to belight and frolicsome.
I want to be improbable beautiful and afraid of nothing,
as though I had wings.
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Who Do You Think You Are?
Who Do You Think You Are?
This is a post by my teacher Carrie on her blog, Free to Be Me (a guide to remembering your life's dharma.)
I was glad to find her blog today, and spent some time reading her entries and checking out her links, learning about cool stuff. Check it out if you have the time. :)
Tuesday, July 5, 2011
Saṃskāra
Daily Om said yesterday:
"Each of us reacts to stimulus based on what we have learned in life. There is no right or wrong to it; it is simply the result of past experience. Later, when our strong feelings have passed, we may be surprised at our reactions. Yet when we face a similar situation, again our reactions may be the same. When we understand those experiences, we can come that much closer to understanding our reactions and consciously change them.
Between stimulus and reaction exists a fleeting moment of thought. Often, that thought is based on something that has happened to you in the past. When presented with a similar situation later on, your natural impulse is to unconsciously regard it in a similar light."
This concept is known as saṃskāra, in the Sanskrit language, or Saṅkhāra (Pali.) It is a part of the Buddhist philosophy which translates well into yoga philosophy. Have you ever known yourself to have a reaction to an event that you are currently experiencing which is way beyond the reaction that this event would normally call for? An example that Daily Om gives is witnessing a minor car accident after having experienced being in a major (traumatic) accident. Your reaction to that fender bender might be for your heart to start beating rapidly and your adrenaline to begin pumping. You might, for a moment, find yourself experiencing fear on behalf of the people in the vehicles, even if the collision took place at low speeds.
This is one form of saṃskāra. The ways that we react to any event are based on our past conditioning. One thing I have been practicing in my own life is to take a closer look at those moments when I feel my past conditioning rising up, and seeing if I can take that "sacred pause" before reacting. Sometimes, I can't. I react in anger or hurt feelings or upsetness, before my higher mind (that which we call "the witness" in yoga philosophy) can step back and observe how I am reacting to the event which is taking place before me. Often times, I find that my reaction is much bigger, or more emotional, than the current situation calls for.
It is in those moments, when I can observe myself reacting, that I find the opportunity to grow. I can look into myself and ask myself whether my response was in reaction to the argument I am having with the person in front of me, or if I am reacting to a "trigger"-- something the person may have said that reminded me of something from my past (something my ex-husband used to say or do that I found hurtful; or even something that my parents used to say or do.) I find that occasionally my reaction has merit, but more often than not it is a reaction to something that happened to me in the past, that my mind is involuntarily relating to the current moment.
In yoga we practice being present with every moment in our life. We practice not allowing our conditioning (or saṃskāra) to rule over our present reactions. In this practice we may find that we are more at peace in our relationships, and with ourselves.
I know that personally when I do not allow my saṃskāra to rule my reactions, I am a calmer, more thoughtful person; and I like that version of myself better than I like the one which reacts in kind to past conditioning. I am not always perfectly capable of remembering this technique, I am after all, human. But I do work towards attempting to react with a peaceful heart and mind. This is why we call it a Practice.
Similarly in your Asana practice you may find yourself reacting to a certain pose in anger, or aprehension, or simply by thinking "Oh I hate this pose, when is she going to let us stop doing it?" Or "Why did I come to yoga today, when I could have been sleeping in/going out to lunch or dinner instead?" Consider that these reactions are normal responses to our past conditioning. We may feel a strong stretch in our downward dog if we have very tight hamstrings, and we may name that feeling as "pain," which causes us to react in a negative way to that feeling of opening that we are creating in our muscles**. But if we can convince ourselves to feel the "pain" (negative connotation) and associate it with the word "opening" or "expansion" (postivite connotation) then we begin to consciously reprogram our saṃskāra, and we may then begin to react differently the next time we are in the pose.
(**Of course if the pain you are feeling in a pose is ever a sharp, tearing or ripping sensation I recommend taking yourself out of the pose immediately, or backing off the stretch to a point where you are not causing damage or possible injury to your muscles/joints.)
"Each of us reacts to stimulus based on what we have learned in life. There is no right or wrong to it; it is simply the result of past experience. Later, when our strong feelings have passed, we may be surprised at our reactions. Yet when we face a similar situation, again our reactions may be the same. When we understand those experiences, we can come that much closer to understanding our reactions and consciously change them.
Between stimulus and reaction exists a fleeting moment of thought. Often, that thought is based on something that has happened to you in the past. When presented with a similar situation later on, your natural impulse is to unconsciously regard it in a similar light."
This concept is known as saṃskāra, in the Sanskrit language, or Saṅkhāra (Pali.) It is a part of the Buddhist philosophy which translates well into yoga philosophy. Have you ever known yourself to have a reaction to an event that you are currently experiencing which is way beyond the reaction that this event would normally call for? An example that Daily Om gives is witnessing a minor car accident after having experienced being in a major (traumatic) accident. Your reaction to that fender bender might be for your heart to start beating rapidly and your adrenaline to begin pumping. You might, for a moment, find yourself experiencing fear on behalf of the people in the vehicles, even if the collision took place at low speeds.
This is one form of saṃskāra. The ways that we react to any event are based on our past conditioning. One thing I have been practicing in my own life is to take a closer look at those moments when I feel my past conditioning rising up, and seeing if I can take that "sacred pause" before reacting. Sometimes, I can't. I react in anger or hurt feelings or upsetness, before my higher mind (that which we call "the witness" in yoga philosophy) can step back and observe how I am reacting to the event which is taking place before me. Often times, I find that my reaction is much bigger, or more emotional, than the current situation calls for.
It is in those moments, when I can observe myself reacting, that I find the opportunity to grow. I can look into myself and ask myself whether my response was in reaction to the argument I am having with the person in front of me, or if I am reacting to a "trigger"-- something the person may have said that reminded me of something from my past (something my ex-husband used to say or do that I found hurtful; or even something that my parents used to say or do.) I find that occasionally my reaction has merit, but more often than not it is a reaction to something that happened to me in the past, that my mind is involuntarily relating to the current moment.
In yoga we practice being present with every moment in our life. We practice not allowing our conditioning (or saṃskāra) to rule over our present reactions. In this practice we may find that we are more at peace in our relationships, and with ourselves.
I know that personally when I do not allow my saṃskāra to rule my reactions, I am a calmer, more thoughtful person; and I like that version of myself better than I like the one which reacts in kind to past conditioning. I am not always perfectly capable of remembering this technique, I am after all, human. But I do work towards attempting to react with a peaceful heart and mind. This is why we call it a Practice.
Similarly in your Asana practice you may find yourself reacting to a certain pose in anger, or aprehension, or simply by thinking "Oh I hate this pose, when is she going to let us stop doing it?" Or "Why did I come to yoga today, when I could have been sleeping in/going out to lunch or dinner instead?" Consider that these reactions are normal responses to our past conditioning. We may feel a strong stretch in our downward dog if we have very tight hamstrings, and we may name that feeling as "pain," which causes us to react in a negative way to that feeling of opening that we are creating in our muscles**. But if we can convince ourselves to feel the "pain" (negative connotation) and associate it with the word "opening" or "expansion" (postivite connotation) then we begin to consciously reprogram our saṃskāra, and we may then begin to react differently the next time we are in the pose.
(**Of course if the pain you are feeling in a pose is ever a sharp, tearing or ripping sensation I recommend taking yourself out of the pose immediately, or backing off the stretch to a point where you are not causing damage or possible injury to your muscles/joints.)
Monday, July 4, 2011
Community Yoga at Your Sacred Space
We are hosting a community yoga class at Your Sacred Space this Sunday, July 10 · 11:00am - 12:30pm.
This class will be appropriate for all levels, from beginning students to those with a more advanced practice. Come flow with us!
I'll be accepting donations of $5-10 (suggested) but please don't stay away for lack of funds. I want everyone to be able to experience yoga!
Location: Your Sacred Space
This class will be appropriate for all levels, from beginning students to those with a more advanced practice. Come flow with us!
I'll be accepting donations of $5-10 (suggested) but please don't stay away for lack of funds. I want everyone to be able to experience yoga!
Location: Your Sacred Space
718 W. Culver St.
Phoenix, AZ
Collectively a great expansion
I feel like I am really tapped into Source right now. Those of you who are less esoteric in nature will probably read this and roll your eyes, thinking, 'Oh here we go again, another hippie ranting about the collective consciousness,' but I have to say it, I don't care what the non-believers will think of me.
I have recently tapped into this amazing group of people in my community. This group is made up of people who all feel this vibrational energy that is rising up, right now, with an alarming speed. I have been slowly cruising toward this thing, this goal, dream/wish/creation that my mind has come up with (or perhaps it was dreamed up outside of my own mind and put there by some other, greater consciousness, some Oneness, who can know? If you don't know, can you really say it isn't possible?)
I may have written about it here that I had a vision after returning from Saguaro Man. This vision was of me in the future, creating a space with other people. This space was a place for community to come together and practice yoga and experience body work and to create together; there was a community garden in this place, with chickens in the backyard, a nice room for massage therapists and energy workers to rent out space to practice their art, perhaps a place for people to create physical art (paintings/metal work/drawing/etc.) a place for a café where we served food which we grew in our garden.
This place, in my vision, was mine. I thought that I was going to be the proprietress of this place, along with Jerrod as my side-kick/co-conspirator (and maybe that vision still exists in my heart somewhere.) I thought that he had to go to yoga teacher training and complete some part of his own journey before we could start making this vision come to fruition...
But in fact this place is already in existence. It is happening now and there is an amazing woman who is currently creating a space with this very vision in mind...It's called Your Sacred Space.
And there are other body workers in this community with similar visions, and it's all rolling into place.
It’s kind of amazing, really. That we all feel this pull at the same time, to create our work together, to help people by sharing our gifts, to allow people to learn more deeply about themselves, to heal, to tap into their Zen.
I saw a quote that resonated with me last night when I was reading the Tao Te Ching. I happened to pick the book up off our bookshelf (I didn’t even know we owned it) after I missed my yoga class due to some unforeseen circumstances that were created by my own carelessness (locked my keys in the car.)
This passage says that in the Tao, there is this concept called “doing-non-doing,” in which people learn to get back to their source, the source of all things, and who we truly are. This practice is the essence of one of the types of Zen Buddhist meditation (Vipassana, or Insight Meditation.)
“Therefore the Master takes action
by letting things take their course.
He remains as calm
at the end as at the beginning.
He has nothing, thus has nothing to lose.
What he desires is non-desire,
what he learns is to unlearn.
He simply reminds people
of who they have always been.
The Master gives herself up
To whatever the moment brings…
[She has] no illusions in her mind,
No resistance in her body.
She doesn’t think about her actions;
They flow from the core of her being.
She holds nothing back from life…”
But perhaps my favorite quote is this:
“In the pursuit of knowledge,
every day something is added.
In the practice of the Tao,
every day something is dropped.
Less and less do you need to force things,
Until finally you arrive at non-action.
When nothing is done, nothing can be left undone.
True mastery can be gained
By letting things go their own way.
It can’t be gained by interfering.
Open yourself to the Tao,
Then trust your natural responses;
And everything will fall into place.”
Everything is falling into place, I trust it.
Life Processing- We are all vibration
As we ascend, we gain consciousness of the more subtle aspects of our being and begin to connect with all that is.
We are one with the cosmos whether we realize it or not. Realizing it, though, quickens our spiritual energy and allows us access to higher realms. In those higher realms lies the awareness that we are more than just finite physical beings living one life in one place at one point in time. Connecting with this awareness is to awaken to the truth and take a step forward, and upward, on our soul’s journey. This upward movement is known as ascension because the more we remember who we are and embody that truth, the higher our energy vibrates; we ascend up the scale from the gross physical plane to the subtle spiritual plane. As we ascend, we gain consciousness of the more subtle aspects of our being, with the ultimate outcome being a complete identification with the light body, an experience of unification with the cosmos.-----------------------------------------------------------------------
The above is quoted from an email that was in my inbox this morning. It's a little weekly inspirational email list I am on, called Daily Om. Today's quote could not have been more appropriate to the events of my weekend, specifically last night.
As you know I have been studying to become a yoga teacher. I will graduate in a month, with a certification to teach. About three weeks ago, my good friend Liz was telling me that we should go into business together. This amazing woman has recently graduated from law school, and also has a new baby (along with three older children.) They have become my family, locally.
When Liz told me that I should go into business with her, I balked, then laughed in her face. Then hemmed and hawed about all the reasons I could not go into business for myself (bad credit, fear, no health insurance, fear, not being sure enough of myself as a teacher yet, fear.)
I never thought I wanted to do business for myself, and yet, the universe keeps telling me that it's time to start down the path. Or rather, I have been on that path all along, I have simply come to the part of the road now where it's time to part ways with the 9-5 of being a worker-bee, and take the road less traveled, (though perhaps more heavily foot-fallen, worn deep with the hard work and labor of love that only a small business owner can put in.)
I have known for the past 4 years that I can't stay working in an office for any extended length of time. It's been this feeling that has partially inspired me to find the way for myself. To find the way to where I am supposed to be.
I want to be able to explain why I now know it is time for this complete overhaul of my lifestyle. (As everything as I know it will necessarily change once this ball gets rolling.)
However, I can't possibly tell you this without getting into my own spiritual beliefs, which are outlined, very simply in the quote above. I feel that every step we take in life is a choice. However, I also feel, very strongly, that the Universe (or God, or gods, or goddesses or Allah, or Yaweh, or whatever word you choose to define the Divine Spirit that is within each of us) provides us with road signs along the way. If we are open to the signs, we will wake up to them. They have always been there, it is up to us to see them and to choose whether to live in our "Right Thing" or to remain quiet, and unattuned, ignoring the subtle (and sometimes not so subtle) clues that are being handed to us, always.
Those clues are often within our own hearts. Sometimes, those clues are buried so deeply, by conditioning, by our socialization, that we can forget they are there.
Through meditation, through taking time to speak to the right people, or allowing those people who inspire us the most to enter into our hearts, we can find our own personal power and we can wake up, to our divine right. I know that this is true, because I have seen it happen to other people. And now, I feel it happening to me. I am absolutely vibrating with excitement this morning because I now know what my path is.
I also see that it has been happening all the way along, I only had to wake up to it. In the past month, I have gotten so many signs telling me that the time is now.
I'm setting up a business meeting with my friend for tonight. (Or as soon as she can see me.) I want to get started right away with a 5-year plan. I want to do this while my energy is ripe. I am vibrating with the power of this revelation. We are going to make it happen.
There will be more to this story, the back-story, hopefully later on today. Right now, worker bee stuff is calling me. Still have to put food on the table in the meantime.
Like the Lotus, I bloom
I took the photos and then hid them away in a file somewhere, because I thought they were too dumb to show anyone, much like I do with most of my art. Lately, though, whether through the encouragement of having more creative friends to hang around with, or through the sheer-not-caring-anymore-what-people-think of growing up, I've begun to feel braver about showing myself, and my art to the world.
I think that before I was too scared to show it, because stuff like this is a window into my soul, and I used to reserve that window to only show it to a select few, very special people in my life. As I am getting older, I am starting to understand that the more you share of yourself, the more you get back in return, and so I am starting to be braver about showing those sacred, delicate parts of me to the world.
I still put up illusory walls, boundaries between me (the real me- the spiritual me, the "capital S-Self as we call it in yoga philosophy) and the rest of the world. I think we all do that, to a certain extent, and especially those of us who are creative, those with more sensitive souls. Is it egotistical of me to think that I have a more sensitive soul than that of a non-artist? Perhaps. But I am also the only one who can see into this soul, unless I choose to share it through my artwork and through personal interactions with you. I am a person who feels things very deeply, and must work through them, process them a lot in my head.
This may be one reason that I am an introvert. I spent the weekend with my family down in Tucson. After being there for just a few days, I began to feel myself starting to want to shut down the communicative part of me, not because my family is not wonderful, but because I do not know how to share with them without having this complete energy-transfer happen, and that is exhausting to me. I can do that with non-relatives, people who I do not care about at all. I can spend time among those kind of people and not feel sucked dry afterward, so why do I feel so overwhelmed when spending time with my parents and my siblings and my nephews?
I am not sure if it is just simply the fact that too much social interaction without a break to recharge my spirit, do some yoga, create something, be QUIET and genuflect, go inside myself and process all of that stuff that being around people I care about stirs up in me.
When we got home last night, I was almost frantic with energy. Having been away all weekend, I had not had time to clean up the house at all before we left, so I started doing that before I even unpacked any of my stuff from the trip. Then, it was time to think about dinner, so I was simultaneously trying to come up with some food to eat for me and the kids, while J rested in bed (he was also quite worn out, in his own way from all the interaction with my family.) By the time it was midnight, I had taken a bath with candles, listened to some soulful chanting music, done some yoga and a few other things to try to make myself feel ready for bed, but nothing was working.
I was left to just lie in bed and listen to my sweetie next to me snoring in the dark. It wasn't a bad feeling. Although I was not looking forward to getting up early the next morning, I didn't have that same feeling of panic I used to get when the prospect of insomnia reared it's sinful head. I just laid there patiently waiting for sleep to come. And it did.
Today I feel rested and also extremely creative. I guess that there is a time for interaction and now there is time for introspection. It all comes in cycles.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)