Welcoming opportunity, releasing fear

“If we do not leap
then we’ll never understand
what it is to fly.” -Tyler Knott Gregson

I am excited to say that I have been offered an opportunity to take over my teacher Carrie's Saturday morning class. This is such a cool thing, and I am really flattered that she offered the very well-attended class to me. I also almost said no immediately when she offered it to me.

When I examined my reasons for wanting to say no, I discovered beneath the initial "I don't want to get up early on Saturdays" complaints my brain was lodging, was an underlying fear of failure. A little voice that I am sure many of us area familiar with that was saying to me, "who do you think you are kidding? You can't teach this class! And you certainly can't step in and fill the shoes of your teacher. No one will come if you take this class, just like your other classes that you tried to teach. You are a failure and you will always be a failure. So don't even try."

Sound familiar? I am somewhat embarrassed to admit that this was my initial response to something that I have really wanted, something I have worked hard and studied and paid in sweat and tears and practiced long hours to be able to do. I was speaking to a friend about it (another teacher that I know) and she confided in me that she feels this way every time she walks into the studio to teach. Every time she steps in to sub a class for someone else. Then I was discussing with another friend who teaches fitness to individuals and she said "You mean you were having the feeling that everyone will know that you are a fraud?" And my response was Yes! Exactly this!

I guess the answer is that everyone feels this way sometimes. Even though I am prepared to take on this class, and my teacher knows that I am prepared (or she would not be giving me the opportunity to ruin her livelihood by giving me this class) I still have this feeling that I do not know enough to run a class, that I will never know enough.

I do want to take more training, I want to study with Dave and Cheryl Oliver, I want to study with Brian Kest and Jeff Martens. But just because I have not done more training than just the 200-hour program, does not mean that I am not qualified to teach right now. I am. I just need to get over myself and start doing it.

This is why I said Yes to my desire to teach in the first place, after having said "No, you can't" for so long. I listened to the intuition which was telling me that I knew I had a place in this world and this place is to teach others what I have experienced in my own practice of yoga over the past 15 years. I have knowledge and that knowledge is valuable and I have the ability (and the desire) to share that experience with others. I have the desire to help others understand that their own body is a magical thing, that they are made of energy and we are all made of energy (at one with all that is.) Edges and boundaries, though they occur in this perception of reality, are useful and real, but they are also not real. Everything, including you and I, including this table that my laptop rests on, radiates energy, and when we can move our bodies into stillness, and thereby move our minds into a place of stillness, we can create this experience where we are One with everything, and we experience an overwhelming sense of peace, and rightness.

So, although I may not have the exact Sanskrit name of every Asana memorized, and I may not have every concept of Yoga Philosophy memorized, I still have vast experience and knowledge and I do have the ability to communicate that knowledge and experience to others who are willing to listen.

I need to get over the concept that people are coming to the class to look at me or listen to me, and remind myself that people come to yoga to listen to themselves, and listen to their own relationship to themselves. To learn from their own intuition. I am a conduit, I can help lead people to their own truths, I cannot impart my truth upon others.